Category Archives: Fill Up Your Cup

Sometimes things happen in life that are crappy and annoying. When they happen to you, you can get under the covers and cry, or harden up and deal with it. Attitude adjustments all around.

The 4 Tendencies

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GR

According to Gretchen Rubin, the author of The Happiness Project, most people fall into one the four tendencies:

  • Upholder: Meets outer and inner expectations
  • Obliger: Meets outer expectations; resists inner expectations
  • Questioner: Resists outer expectations; meets inner expectations
  • Rebel: Resists outer and inner expectations

And knowing which one is you can help you better understand what motivates you, so you can change your habits for a happier life.

Your tendency captures the reasoning behind your actions, why you do or don’t make it to the gym even though you’ve resolved 20 times to go this year.

I found out that I’m a questioner – no big surprise there – “I do what I think is best, according to my judgment. If it doesn’t make sense, I won’t do it.”

Growing up, my nickname was curious George, and I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Questioners are known for only responding to an expectation if it makes logical sense to them, and asking a LOT of questions to determine that.

Curious what your tendency is? Take the quiz here.

Happiness: Not as Random as We Thought

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The equation for happiness

We often think of happiness as something to be pursued, cultivated, captured. It’s an elusive or state of being that we are constantly trying to maintain. Researchers devote their time to figuring out, Why Are We Happy? Why Aren’t We Happy? And now, it seems, happiness is not quite as random as we thought. Researchers in Britain have found an equation that can predict moment-to-moment happiness, a rare piece of quantifiable data in a field so based on feelings. And what it found? Happiness isn’t based on how well we are doing at that particular time. It’s wrapped up in our expectations for how we should be doing, and it comes from if we’re doing better or worse than we expected we’d be. Good to know next time we’re trying to figure out where we should be in life.

How to Recover When You Put Your Foot in Your Mouth

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mistake

We’ve all been there. The second that crappy statement flies out of your mouth, you realize with a cringe that you definitely should not have said what you just said. Maybe you were overtired and cranky, or feeling a bit too uncensored after a couple drinks. Either way, you’re a bit embarrassed, and would take it back if you could, but you can’t.

Sometimes the people you’re with will overlook said faux pas. Other times, someone will call you out on being a jerk. There’s a bunch of ways you could deal with that extra bit of humiliation, but there’s only really one right way to do it. And one of my favorite bloggers over at Adulting has supplied it.

“Say, “Wow, you’re right. I’m really sorry, and thank you for letting me know that.” Then, don’t say that shitty thing again. “

Sometimes recovering your dignity really is that simple.

 

#100HappyDays

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A couple weeks ago, I started noticing the #100HappyDays hashtag popping up here and there. I didn’t think too much of it, since some people can be real hashtag abusers. But after it kept coming up, associated with special moments, I was curious. It turns out it’s not just an inane hashtag misuse, but a challenge- one that I actually really like the idea of. The home website asks you to simply be happy 100 days in a row, anticipating that most people will instantly think they can’t, or don’t have time (I mean, that’s practically a third of a year!). Instead of giving up before you begin, it challenges you to stop bragging about your packed calendar, and take a few moments each day for yourself to notice a happy moment – something 71% of people couldn’t manage to fit in. Then, you simply have to take a photo of the thing, person, sunshine that gave you that warm fuzzy feeling.

In our photo-happy times, this seems pretty easy, right? Everyone is taking pictures of everything, and posting them instantly to facebook/twitter/Instagram for the world to see. While there’s lots of negative things that could be said about this, #100HappyDays notes that this is not a competition, or a way to show off – if that’s the spirit of your photos, then you’re missing the point of the challenge. No one will know if you’re trying to make people jealous or cheating but you, but you’re the one who won’t be happier for it. The goal is to draw attention to the little things (using the social media platform of your choice), and practice daily gratitude to be in a better mood, be aware of what makes you happy, realize how lucky you are to live the life you lead, or to become more optimistic. If you choose, you can register on the website, and receive a little 100 page book that has all of your happy moments after you complete the challenge. Then, when you need a reminder of what’s good in your life, you can simply flip through your moments of happiness.

Let’s All Celebrate International Happiness Day

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happiness

Today is the second annual UN International Happiness Day. It seems appropriate, right? It’s the first day of spring, the sun is shining, and it’s a little warmer than it’s been. I know I have been in a good mood. So let’s take a few minutes and appreciate some of the good things going on.

First, there’s these 10 things to be happy about. Then I’ll just go ahead and add some of my own. My favorite fast food place, Taco Bell, is launching it’s breakfast menu, and today they announced some of the things that will be on it– waffle wrapped tacos, AM crunch wraps, little cinnamon balls stuffed with things. I keep waffling (see what I did there?) about if this stuff is going to be amazingly good or amazingly gross, but I walk by it on my way to work from the gym in the morning and I know one day I am going to cave and try everything. There’s some new evidence that tequila can help you lose weight. If that’s not an excuse for a margarita and some fun, I don’t know what is! Starbucks is going to start serving alcohol, so when that lame-o asks you out for a coffee, you can have the glass of wine you really wanted in the first place. Virtual Reality gaming is pretty close to being a real thing, and even if video games aren’t your bag, you can appreciate that it’s a cool moment. There’re some intriguing new leads in the missing plan case, because you know you have been obsessively tracking it. It’s the first full day of March Madness, so now you have an excuse to taunt your coworkers and place bets on a bracket.

What are you feeling happy about today?

When You’re Tired, Take a Break

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puppyI am a planner, a doer, a socializer, and I live in NYC –a city where you can arguably never run out of things to do, people to see, or new stuff to try. That combination, while pretty wonderful most of the time, can get pretty darn exhausting at others. Sometimes, after months of feeling like a weekend without days and nights full of activities is a failure, I am run  down, tired out, and weary of everything I typically enjoy. In moments like these, I wonder. Should I really live here? Is this really what I want?

The answer is always yes.

But at times, doing the things I like can weigh me down. They stop being fun. And after being here for just over ten years, I’ve learned – when you’re tired, take a break. If it’s going out, hitting the gym, working long hours that’s sapping your stamina just stop. Stop it right away. Even cancel something this instant if you have to- not permanently, but just long enough to rejuventate. If it’s the city’s pace that’s wearing you thin, head to the country. If it’s too many girls nights, try staying in and painting your nails. If it’s work, get your assistant to pick up the slack. When you start to miss it (and you know you will), that’s a pretty good sign you’re ready to pick things back up where you left off. Usually being tired and frustrated is not a sign that your tastes have changed, just an indicator that you might be indulging in too much of a good thing, and you’re plum tuckered out.

Empowering Women Through Stock Photos

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computer

It is important to give people images like themselves that they can look up to, and identify with. It’s why dolls have been created in all skin, hair color, and eye shade combinations (hello American Girl!). It’s why there is constant pressure in the media for magazines and ads to use “real” looking women. It’s why people fight for diversity of lead roles in movies. And now, the new frontier is those stock photos that you see popping up all over corporate PowerPoints, and that are often mined to accompany blog posts much like this one. You may have noticed that all of the “working women” photos are weirdly homogeneous (just google working women and click over to the images tab). All of the ladies are wearing navy or black suits, have perfectly done hair and makeup, and most often are sitting by a computer. While it’s great to see women associated with technology, these images just don’t realistically reflect most working ladies of today. I mean, Hillary can sure pull off a pants suit, but when is the last time you saw the average Jane dressed like that for the office? And are you sure she even works in an office?

Now LeanIn.org and Getty images are out to change all that. The two powerhouses have teamed up to push out images of working women in a variety of environments that actively break out of the stereotypes of traditionally female work. They will showcase female soldiers, bakers, hunters, and surgeons. You can view the collection, and purchase images here. The goal is to tell women and girls that they can be the things they can’t typically find images of, and additionally the LeanIn.org has created two new grants that will focus on creating visual campaigns and photographs covering news about women. Huzzah for opening minds and doors to women’s work.

JOMO is the new FOMO

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jomo

 

By now, almost everyone has heard of FOMO (or the fear of missing out) that is known for creeping up on you when you’re relaxing plan-free on the couch and a friend posts a picture having the time of her life at a party. It’s a nasty little syndrome that can ruin the most relaxing idea of a night spent by yourself. Well, for everyone who likes to become a bit of a hermit in the cold weather, or take some time alone to recuperate after the  busy holiday season, there is a new syndrome taking hold across the social media universe. It’s called JOMO, and it stands for the joy in missing out, when you take time for yourself, and enjoy it – guilt free. And it’s a great way to unplug and avoid burning out. So if your plans for the weekend involve staying home and cleaning out your closet, don’t fear missing something, relish it.

How Much Happier You Can Be by Time and Effort Required

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I saw this handy article and infographic on The Huffington Post, and I couldn’t get over how cute and useful it was, especially for anyone who might be getting the post-holiday blues or who resolved to have a happier 2014. I know that my life always feels 1,000X more hectic when I am trying to get back into the grind after a light holiday work schedule. When you’re looking for ways to feel happier, but might only have a few minutes to spare, this graph can easily tell you which of the 16 scientifically backed ways to boost your mood based on the time you have available. And it breaks it down by how big of a leap in good feelings you can expect to see, taking the mystery our of your mood.

The Tricky Part – Sticking to Those Resolutions

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Happy New Year friends! I am back at it after a lovely week and a half of vacation that I spent sleeping in, cramming in as much time with family and friends as possible, sledding, and chipping  away at the epic list of movies I want to see.  Then I rang in the new year with champagne and sparkly dresses. I hope your holidays were wonderful! Since it’s January 2nd, and everyone has recovered from their NYE hangovers and now is ready to really get down to business on all of those resolutions, here are some helpful links on how to keep them or avoid making the wrong resolutions.

What did you resolve to do this year?