How to Make it Out of a Horror Movie Alive


When I watch scary movies, for the few moments when I manage to pull my head out from under the blanket and not squeeze my eyes closed, I constantly want to climb into the TV and shake the lead characters.

They are always running up the stairs instead of out the front door, or stabbing the killer once, then assuming he is dead. There are certain rules. Don’t go anywhere alone, don’t answer the phone, and certainly don’t babysit. But there aren’t so many rules of what you SHOULD do to survive a horror flick. So when Man Crates asked what I would want if I was thrown into Halloween the movie version 78, here’s what I would want in my bag of tricks:

  • One of those special emergency phones the president has-no dialing, just pick it up to get help.
  • Duane “The Rock” Johnson as my own personal body guard (have you SEEN him fight in movies?)
  • The skills and reflexes of Katnis with a bow and arrow, just in case I get in a tight spot with the killer.
  • A serious flashlight-it’s a club, and will help when the power inevitable goes out.
Then, finally after watching Trick ‘r Treat a few weeks back, I would want to have a lit Jack-o-Lantern, and bowl of candy to hand out, just so I don’t piss the Spirit of Halloween off.
Man Crates put together their list of their rules for getting out alive here. (And, the company has gifts that will help you survive the holiday season for all the guys in your life while you’re at it).