Category Archives: Fill Up Your Cup

Sometimes things happen in life that are crappy and annoying. When they happen to you, you can get under the covers and cry, or harden up and deal with it. Attitude adjustments all around.

A New Way to Fight FOMO?

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happier

We’re all pretty connected these days – to our Instagram feeds, facebook, and twitter. Sometimes that can be draining. While many people turn to logging off, or stop using the sites for a break, an alternative may be to log on, just to a different site. Now there is a new social network in town. It’s called Happier, and its goal is to make you just that. The site is dedicated to keeping a log of good things happening to the people using it. There will be thank you notes, mentions of unexpected kindness, and even some inspiring stories of overcoming difficulties. There won’t be all that other info you’re used to seeing on facebook, like what kind of music you like or books you’ve read. The whole goal is to give you short, easy-to-digest mood boosts. Think of it as status updates geared towards making you happy instead of making you fear you’re missing out on that awesome holiday party. If you’re feeling blue, it might be worth checking out.

Science Says Smile and Others Will Smile Back

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smile frownYou’re probably heard one of an assortment of quotes about how smiling at others will encourage them to smile at you. “Smile and the world smiles back.” “Smile and others will smile back.” Well, as it turns out, there is some scientific basis to the statement. A study found that when people were encouraged to see others as happy, they were less angry and aggressive. Participants looked at the photos of people’s faces. Then researchers encouraged certain people to interpret their facial expressions as happy rather than ambiguous or angry. They found that when people interpreted more facial expressions as expressing happiness, they not only began to see more happiness around them, but began to feel less annoyance and hostility towards others. Basically the act of perceiving and receiving smiles from others can make you feel happier yourself. So go ahead and listen to that guy on the street telling you to, “Smile beautiful.” Though he might be creepy and annoying, it just might make you and some other people a little more joyful.

An Easy Way to Improve your Mood

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skiing

If you’re feeling a little overwhelmed by the holiday season, and need a pick me up, here’s an easy way to improve your mood. Grab your skis and hit the slopes! A study found that skiers experience more pleasure and engagement than snowboarders. Skiers lost themselves in the activity of gliding downhill, and experienced high levels of enjoyment. Even one trip to a mountain could have a mood-boosting effect. That’s a good excuse to check out a mountain near you if I ever heard one!

The Many Squeals of Women – Decoded

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squeal

I’m a pretty enthusiastic person in general. I tend to overuse exclamation points, even though I know it’s grammatically incorrect. I have been known to jump up and down and clap when I’m really excited, and there is a pretty regular occurrence in my life that I refer to as the happy dance. My friends husbands always say that we sound like a pack of chickens when we get together, just squeaking louder and louder over each other until it’s a gentle roar of how thrilled we are to see each other. So I thoroughly enjoyed this post on NY Mag The Cut that breaks down the different types of squeals that women make. They might get on some people’s nerves, but sometimes you just don’t want to keep all that excitement inside. Here’s how the author sees them as especially effective ways to communicate:

  • The Uncontainable Squeal: You’re just SO excited that you can’t contain yourself. I usually do this when someone finally caves and agrees to go on a trip with me, or I get JUST the Christmas present I hoped for, but forgot to put on my list.
  • Squeal for Sisterhood: Women shriek for other women even though they know it particularly irritates men. In this case, the squealing signals that they care about the people they’re with so much, and the thing they’re collectively excited about that they’re not even worried about all the men they are pissing off.
  • The Non-Specific Squeal: When you don’t have anything to say, shriek. You’re excited, but your bestie already knows you love her and support her –instead of saying it again, just make some loud noises and maybe jump up and down to get your point across.
  • Squeal as a Social Lubricant: Guys fist bump about sports with near strangers. Women enjoy high-pitched yells to bond with people they might not know all that well, but want to include in the group.
  • Squeal Qua Squeal: Just like smiling at someone makes you feel good too, squealing with someone makes you even more excited than before you squealed. Just take a few minutes to enjoy the good feeling.

For those of you who have wondered at the various ways women squeal, and what they mean, there you have it. They’re a great way to show excitement, express our love for each other, and include others in the collective joy –squealing decoded.

Optimism = Resilience and Sustainability

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resiliance

Being optimistic is essentially maintaining a positive outlook for longer than a negative outlook. And the key to doing that is being resilient and persevering, according to an interview with Margaret Wheatley for The Intelligent Optimist magazine. Basically in order to be optimistic you need to understand that there will be bad days, experience them, and then bounce back. It’s looking at the annoying bad things that happen, accepting them, and moving along. The sustained frustration at negative things in life is at the basis of pessimism. Instead of getting mad that bad things happen, accept the setback and failure. They are an inescapable part of living. Understanding that bad days will pass and taking the lesson in them for what its worth rather than dwelling on the negative repercussions of the event is the difference between seeing things as glass half empty or glass half full.

Centenarian Says Do Your Thing Girl

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centThe Atlantic interviewed Marian Cannon Schlesinger, a 101 year old wife, author, and illustrator to hear her recollections of JFK’s assassination, mine her memories, and learn her overall wisdom. There are so many interesting points, I just had to take a moment to summarize my favorites. Among the messages she delivered, one of the main gems was for young women of today, telling them to, “Just go ahead and do your thing no matter what.” This advice is so needed this time of year when people run themselves ragged trying to make it to every holiday dinner, every cookie swap, and every party. It is a gift to be able to celebrate the holidays with friends and family, try to remember it as such, and just do your thing – read:  go to the events you really want to go to, and nothing more.

Another thing to take note of, “It doesn’t really matter if your house is that dirty.” When things are busy, the dust will still be there in the corners waiting when things settle down. Try not to freak out about it. “There have always been strong women.” Feminism wasn’t invented by modern ladies – all of those females on the Oregon trail were pretty powerful too. Her tricks on living to 100 are having a cup of coffee in the morning, and a drink every night. And when you’re having trouble figuring out how to live a full life, “Just keep going.” Such simple words, such true advice.

Write, It’s Good for Your Health

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write

It’s National Novel Writing Month (or NaNoWriMo as participants call it), and hundreds of thousands of people are taking their first or twentieth stab at creating a novel. But as those of us who write, either for a living or for fun, know – sometimes it’s hard to get yourself to sit down and put a pen to paper. It’s even difficult to open up that laptop and start typing after spending a day working on a computer. If you just have writer’s block, Chris Baty’s book No Plot? No Problem! has tons of tips on how to slog through. At a loss for a detailed plot map? Even Margaret Atwood will tell you that sometimes you just need to make it up as you go along. If you need even more motivation, it turns out that writing can be good for your health in a few key ways.

If you write the old fashion way, with a pencil and a notebook, you can actually improve your memory and learning skills. The act of writing can help you retain information more effectively. If your book is loosely based around a difficult event you went through, writing about it might speed your emotional and physical healing. People who journaled about their wounds actually physically healed faster than those who didn’t. This benefit extends to people battling cancer. Writing has been shown to help reposition the attitude that patients need to fight the disease. With Thanksgiving around the corner, this next benefit is even more timely. Writing down things you are grateful for can help people feel happier or more optimistic about life. If you’re stuck as to where your characters should go, try marking down one or two “thankful fors” and it might just get the creative juices flowing. Then finally, writing can help you sleep better and longer which can make you more resistant to all those bugs flying around, and it can lower stress levels and blood pressure. As cold and flu season ramps up, even if you can’t do convince yourself to write for creative purposes, do it for your health!

Eat and Drink These Things to Stay Productive

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coffee

It’s Monday, and it’s Veteran’s Day. Those of us who are stuck in the office instead of enjoying a day off to celebrate our nation’s heroes, may be experiencing a little drain on motivation from friends who are not at work today. You may be searching for some extra incentive to make it through the day. Luckily, The Huffington Post has a list of the food and drinks that can make you more productive while you’re at work. They can help keep your mind sharp, and give you a natural boost without needing a 5-hour energy. So, when you’re feeling sleepy or a little stalled, reach for one of these power foods and beverages:

  • Dark Chocolate: The flavanols found in cocoa will increase bloodflow to the brain, keeping you feeling energetic
  • Citrus Fruit: Even just the scent of citrus can give you a boost, but consuming the Vitamin C will give added alertness
  • Water: Dehydration zaps your focus and short-term memory. Keep your brain running like a well-oiled machine with lots of H2O.
  • Coffee or Tea: Most of us know this already, but having a cup of caffeine can improve your cognitive focus and concentration.

They just might make the difference between hitting a wall, and keeping on trucking. Now, go mark some things off your afternoon to-do list.

How to Deal when Someone you Care About is a Jerk

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jerk

Even the most perfect person is bound to do something that will make you sad at some point in your long and varied friendship, courtship, or family relationship.

Maybe they didn’t respond to your text. Or you thought they had changed an upsetting behavior, and there they are – falling right back into the same bad patterns. Quite possibly they did something terribly mean like skip your birthday party. Or you heard from an acquaintance that they said something snarky behind your back.

All of these things, taken in the wrong light, received at the wrong moment, could be friendship ending, relationship ruining, family-feud starting problems.

But they don’t have to be. When I put the effort into fostering relationships, it’s usually for keeps. I have more than a handful of people that I’ve been friends with for over 20 years. I just celebrated my 10 year anniversary of friendship with my closest college pals. I send Christmas cards to a frighteningly high number of relatives, and I am still friendly with quite a few exes. Most of these people have really hurt my feelings, or made me a little peeved at certain points.

The reason we’re still tight? It’s not that I don’t get upset, or hurt by stupid little things – I do. It’s learning how to deal in the moments when you’re feeling upset, then moving forward. Here are some tips that help me figure out what to do:

  • Relationships are Long: I remember a time when I tried to give a friend money for a round of drinks. They declined, saying, “Our friendship is long, I am sure it will all even out.” While it’s easy to get annoyed in that second if one person is always shorting you on the check, it’s much more relaxing to just remind yourself that in the scheme of a long relationship, things are bound to come full circle. Stop keeping score in the moment.
  • Put Yourself in their Shoes: While this is the most clichéd piece of advice you can read, here’s why it’s important. When you’re obsessing that they didn’t  respond to your facebook invite because they hate you, think about two things – the history of your relationship, and what they have going on in their life right now. Is it a crazy week at work for your friend? Do you know they have a phone that’s on the fritz? While it’s easy to take one occurrence as a world-ending personal insult, there could be a circumstance totally unrelated to you that’s making them act that way. Most people-even our most valued friends- care more about their own lives than they do about yours. Remembering that they have their own stuff can make the difference between being upset, and just getting it. Then think about how they’ve treated you in the past. Have they gone out of their way to love and support you and be a good friend? It just so happens that little thing about RSVPs are their one weak spot? Then maybe you can let this one thing slide. If this is the final notch in a one-sided relationship, that’s another story.
  • All Relationships are Not Equal: There are different levels of relationships. Some are the drop you off at the airport, hold your hand at a funeral type that wouldn’t ever intentionally do anything to hurt you. Others are the people you meet for happy hour occasionally, and wouldn’t tell that your goldfish died. Adjust your expectations on how much you value the way they treat you accordingly, and keep them in your life. Who cares if some of your friends are flaky, if the people that count are always there? Take all the happiness you can out of spending time with them, and leave all the temptation to want more from them than you should at the door.
  • Give Them the Silent Treatment: I don’t mean this in the middle school way, but the easiest way to stop being upset about something is to focus your time and energy actively on something else. It works on toddlers all the time – take the toy they want out of the room, and they easily forget. Follow their lead. Sitting and thinking about how upset you are won’t make you feel anything but more upset. Hanging out with a different group of friends, or finally taking that new class at the gym will only give you the space and time you need to come up with a solution. And it might make them realize they did something crappy before you even have a chance to tell them you’re upset.
  • Is it You or Them? Take stock of your mood. Are you feeling extra sensitive, and taking it the wrong way? Is it you, not them?
  • Just Let it Go: Some things are worth arguing about, and others aren’t. Even if you tell people how you feel, sometimes they won’t react the way you wish they would. If you make it a point to be clear about how you’re feeling, and make an effort to come from a place of love with the people you care about, it’s hard to be upset with the outcome. Even if things don’t go down the way you had hoped, you can rest easy knowing that you did all you could, and won’t feel even worse for harboring hard feelings. When in doubt, just assume they didn’t mean it that way. It will save you so much heartache just assuming they had good intentions even if they really didn’t.
  • Complete Yourself: When you’re looking for validation from other people or other things to feel 100% a person, you’ll always fall short. Fill up your life with things you value, and learn how to be happy even when you’re all alone. While your relationships should enrich your life by making it fuller, tastier, funnier – they shouldn’t define it. You make yourself who you are, and deciding that on your own without looking for cues from others on how you should feel will lead to a whole lot more happiness, and a lot less squabbles about why they didn’t want to hang out with you last Saturday night. Cashmere sweaters, friends, and soul mates don’t make you complete – you do.

And top all that off by being a good friend, relationship partner, sister/mother/uncle/cousin yourself. When you’re in doubt about whether you should call/send a card/show up, always make the effort. You never know how the person is feeling who’s receiving your gesture – maybe it will be the tipping point between a horrible day and an awesome day. Why not buy the thoughtful gift, over-tip, or go the extra mile? Even if it doesn’t work out in the long term, you will know you gave it your best shot.

What You Could Have Been Doing While You Were on Facebook

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technologyThere’s loads of literature out there urging people today to get off their computers (those handheld iPhones count), and out into the world. Your grandparents might argue that staring at a computer is rotting your brain. The first lady might say that it’s stealing time away from being active for our children. You might even recognize the brain fry in yourself – that numbed, dazed feeling you get after playing a few too many rounds of candy crush. Now a recent study completed at the Technology Policy Institute in DC has quantified exactly what people are missing out on when they spend time surfing the internet, chatting online, or using computers for non-work leisure (e.g., iPhone games). Here’s what you’re missing out on when you’re scrolling through your facebook feed for the 20th time today.

Of the five hours the average American has for any leisure time in a given day, surprisingly only an average of 13 minutes is spent online during those leisure hours. However, in each minute that people spend using a computer for leisure, they sacrifice leisure time in several specific areas. There was 16 fewer seconds worked, 7 fewer seconds spent sleeping, 6 fewer seconds experiencing travel, 4 fewer seconds completing chores, and 3 fewer seconds educating themselves. If you up the amount of time spent on the computer for leisure, the amount of time stolen from other activities increases. It also tends to cut back on the amount of leisure time you have to socialize off line (read: face to face with your friends). So next time you feel like aimlessly cruising the internet in your free time, think about that activities you’re giving up, and decide if it’s really worth the trade off.