Feeling Blue? Have an Emergency Compliment

We all have those days, when regardless of how many times we touch up our makeup, or the sparkly jewelry we pair with our outfit, we still feel a little meh. Sometimes you just need a few kind words from someone (anyone) to pick up your day, and make you feel better. Or, in this case, a website. Emergency Compliment will fill that hole in your self-confidence when your co-workers aren’t being as forthcoming as usual with how fabulous you look.

Feeling blue? Head on over to this site. You will get funny little affirmations like, “Mensa would only BE so lucky,” or “People at trivia night are terrified of you,” that are bound to lift your spirits and give you a laugh on the most insecure of days. And if the first one doesn’t do it? Just click I still feel crappy for a stream of endless compliments until you find one that tickles your fancy.

Write a Book, Stop Blogging?

ImageYou know what makes me really sad? When I find I blog that I really enjoy reading, that makes me laugh, and then the writer goes mysteriously MIA and stops posting. For a few days here and there, a week, a planned month-long hiatus, I can understand. We’re all human, and sometimes have life things that interfere with posting. But it’s not ok with me, when said writer completely stops posting, especially after having a book published. While writing the book? Sure. After? Not so much.

I’m looking at you Notes to My Future Husband and Hipster Puppies.

Maybe you made so much money writing the book, you’re out gallivanting around the world spending it. But your regular readers, who liked all your posts before you got your book deal miss you.

 

Fairy Tales for 20 Somethings

If you’ve ever taken a class on feminism, you’ve probably encountered at least one person in life who has told you that ladies perceptions are screwed up by all the fairy tales they hear as children telling them Prince Charming will swoop in to save the day. Or you’ve been frustrated yourself by popular fiction and tv where the characters have problems that don’t EVER exist in real life. Being pursued by two men at the same time, and one happens to be a millionaire? Living in a spacious West Village apartment on a freelance writer’s budget, and still having money to go out to all the trendy clubs? While fiction is, by design, a way to escape real life, sometimes it’s just annoying to see characters living out scenarios that would never (ever in a million years) come true.

Enter Fairy Tales for 20 Somethings. If Ariel lived in your shoes for a day, she might have an awkward conversation at a bar when someone cracked a joke about Merpeople (does she defend them now that she’s a human?). If Chicken Little ran around NYC freaking out, well, her therapist might send her over aprescription for Xanax.

It’s refreshing, and pretty hilarious, in the pile and piles of vampire and fairy tale sitcoms and novels popping up to see these characters we’ve grown to know and love taken out of their castle in the sky and put into reality. It just might make you feel a little better about not knowing what you want to do with your life, when you realize Cinderella hated her first job too.

In Which Everyone Realizes I’m Actually 50 or 80 as the case may be

Ever since I was a child, people have remarked about how I never really act my current age. My mother said I was born a little adult, and the librarian backed her up by calling to report that the fiction I chose was not age appropriate. Growing up, my sister used to say I had the habits of a middle-aged man. Fast forward to now, when my friends regularly proclaim there must an old woman trapped in my young adult body. Then I read this post on Yes and Yes, and it got me thinking about what exactly I do to give everyone this impression. What exactly are my habits that give everyone this unmistakable impression?  So I decided to make my own list, a condensed story of my life, where I tend toward a senior citizen. Here are some of things I love that are not age appropriate.

Casseroles

I like to eat them, and I like to make them, and not just at holidays like Thanksgiving. Hot melty bowls of veggies and meat usually covered in mayonnaise and cheese with a delicious crunchy topping? Sign me up.

Crossword Puzzles

They’re the only reason I ever take the AM New York from those pesky subway workers, or buy Star magazine.  Actually, let’s just make that puzzles , in general. I love putting them together, especially if they are covered in glitter feature cute animals.

Scratch Off Lottery Tickets

Though I have to go into the sketchy bodegas that usually feature pet cats roaming around, and degenerate gamblers playing strings of numbers, every now and then, I need to satisfy my itch for a Cashword or Win for Life. Hey guys, if you don’t buy the ticket, you can’t ever win.

Clogs and Nightgowns

I own them and wear them, even though I’m pretty sure they are only made for the Swedes and people living in retirement homes.

Crocheting

I find it relaxing to make scarves and hats while watching TV. Maybe its my short attention span that requires me to do multiple things at once for entertainment. Or maybe I am just secretly an old woman on the inside.

USA Network

You know those shows that only your parents watch during the summer? Like Royal Pains, and Burn Notice, and that one your mother can’t stop talking about how handsome the lead guy is, White Collar? They’re my favorite shows too.

Bonnie Rait, James Taylor and Aretha Franklin

It’s not the classic music that is SO HIP to listen to, or scores you points with the hippies at music festivals. It will, however, let you bond with your boss. These guys feature heavily into my iPod playlists, and I may or may not own their Christmas albums.

I Speak in Proverbs

If you’re spent time with me, you’re probably so used to me using expressions like, “That’s handy!” or, “Under mackerel sky, they ground’s never dry” that you don’t even notice them anymore. At least that’s what I tell myself when I let a, “Go to town!” slip out in the workplace when a coworker asks to do something. Or when I find myself clucking my tongue and thinking, “Willful waste makes for woeful want” when I see someone throwing out food. My strange little expressions picked up over the years from my great-grandma, aunts and uncles, and country childhood go unnoticed to most, right? Right.

Punch and a Cheeseball are Book Club Refreshments

This one’s two-fold. I have a book club. When I used to host it at my apartment, a typical snack was a big bowl of punch (alcoholic of course), and a cheese ball or dip. Sound like something you’d see at Aunt Gertrude’s holiday party? Also for book club I have been known to suggest a Nicholas Sparks book, and secretly read a Norah Roberts novel in between selections here and there.

I don’t know why I like all of these older-lady things. Maybe it’s because of all the time I spend at my grandparent’s house growing up (Hi Gram!), or maybe I was destined to be age inappropriate from birth.

Anything I forgot to include friends? What do you like that’s not typical for your age?

Ombre Pashminas at Nordstrom Rack

 

 

A couple years ago when I was walking home from work, I happened upon a street vendor with a huge rack of ombre pashminas in every color you could imagine in the softest of  fabric, for $3 a piece. I didn’t have much cash on me at the time, so one red one, and figured I’d buy more the next day. I watched for the vendor for months, and he was never to be seen again.

Fast forward to this evening when I popped into Nordstrom Rack on my way home from work to pick up some fishnets to complete my flapper halloween costume. I was greeted at the door by an entire rainbow rack of ombre scarves of every color from red to purple for $12 each.

Let’s just say I won’t be making the same mistake twice. Get yours while they’re still available!

This is Litter Too

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I know a lot of people who smoke. Despite NYC’s valiant attempts to ban smoking in bars, restaurants, public spaces, parks and beaches, city folk just seem to like cigarettes more than most. Every day I see people, strangers and acquaintances alike finish their cig, drop it on the ground, stomp it out and walk away.

These same people would never consider dropping their disposable coffee cup on the sidewalk. They wouldn’t crumple up a napkin and let it fall as they crossed the street. And yet, when they are smoking it doesn’t occur them to trash their butt in the appropriate receptacle. In fact, I have only known one person ever who I have seen stub out the ash, and toss in the trash every cigarette she ever smoked.

So, why isn’t dropping a cigarette butt on the ground considered littering? How do these otherwise environmentally conscious people feel ok just leaving their butts on the sidewalk, or stuck in the sand at the beach? Why isn’t cigarette littering as socially sanctioned as other kinds?

Some speculate that it is because smoking originated as an indoor habit, where smokers easily disposed of butts in the provided ashtray. They have obviously never seen the floor of a bar after a night out in the few areas of the U.S. that still allow smoking in establishments. Others speculate that the habit originated when cigarettes were filter-less, and the leftover paper and tobacco merely scattered in the wind. But how has the habit persisted to today? Some people think that butts are made of cotton, a natural fiber.

But they’re not. Cigarette butts are made of plastic. They do not biodegrade. They contain chemicals that are harmful to children and animals that may scoop them up and eat them, and their total mass is large enough that it’s harmful to the environment. Let’s use portable ash trays, install more butt receptacles, and just be a little more aware that cigarette butts are trash. Can we try to put them where they belong?

Working it Out

“I feel a lot worse about my life, and the world after working out,” said….nobody ever. No matter what kind of bad mood I’m in- grumpy, tired, sad, angry- if I can manage to haul myself onto an elliptical/stationary bike/treadmill usually after about 20 minutes or so, I start to feel better. My mind starts to wander from whatever was bothering me. I find myself thinking about totally unrelated things, or sometimes out of no where stumbling on a resolution. At the very least, the endorphins kick in and I feel a little better than when I started.

One day I got to thinking after a run, where out of no where the fix to something I had been thinking over popped magically into my head as I jogged. They don’t call it working out for nothing I thought, working out your problems, working your body to get out of your head. I mean, where did the word really come from anyhow?

It’s a fairly new word in the English language, around for only about a hundred years. People speculate that it came after hard labor or things like construction work that use similar motions and body challenging movement. Others speculate that it comes from using the word “out” as totally expended, used until it’s finished. The word implies working your muscles until they’re spent, used up, out of energy. The resolutions to annoying situations that seem to pop out of no where, well they’re just a bonus of giving your mind a chance to do its own thing while you focus on not falling off the treadmill while you change the song on your iPhone, or running that extra half mile along the river without stopping to walk.