Tag Archives: Happiness

Saying No is Satisfying

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self control

We’ve all been there. You’re out to dinner with friends, and someone goes and orders a salad instead of a burger. Suddenly everyone around the table is either feeling guilty for not choosing a healthier option, or feeling deprived for sticking to their diet plan, right? It’s a common misperception that people who say no to things like indulgent food in the name of sticking to a diet are making themselves miserable or are too uptight to break their own rules every once and a while. However, a recent study surveying people on their mood using their smart phones, found that when people had good self-control when choosing between virtues and vices, they were happier. These people experienced less unhappiness because they made fewer choices that benefitted them in the short term, but punished them in the long term, and overall felt like they were acting in line with their life goals. While the person who opts for self-control may initially feel deprived of the instant gratification, long-term, they may feel more content. These findings hint that rather than making you dismal and dreary, self-control makes you happier. Remember that the next time the gorgeous purse outside your budget or the cupcake in the window is calling your name. Saying no to something in the moment might be saying yes to what you want later on.

Help Others to Improve Your Health

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helping othersI have in quite a few bridal parties, and as much as I love being a part of my friends’ special days, that business is expensive. From showers, to dresses, and bachelorette parties, it’s a financial investment (albeit one I am happy to make) in my friendships. Today, my most recent bridesmaid dress was dropped off for alterations, a little strap tweak in time for the ceremony just under two weeks. Now, this isn’t my first time in the alterations game, and typically tailors will charge a set amount for any small alteration (think shortening and adjusting straps), then up the price for more major jobs (like taking in or letting out globally for the garment). But this lovely women told my friend that for two dresses with just a small strap adjustment she would not accept any payment. She would not accept a gift card in thanks. What she wanted was only for us to pay her small kindness forward by either donating time or items to our favorite charity, or doing a good deed for another. I was bowled over by her generosity with her time to make a wedding a little bit less expensive for two complete strangers. It certainly made my day.

And, it probably made hers. There is something incredibly uplifting about doing something kind or generous for a stranger. Anyone who has donated to a thrift shop, or helped an elderly person cross the street knows that good feeling you get when you help someone else. In addition, the Huffington Post reported it can have real health benefits for do-gooders. Doing a random act of kindness for a stranger can improve heart health, contribute to lower blood pressure by triggering a release of oxytocin which opens blood vessels and protects the heart, and as an added side effect is can boost your mood to make you an overall happier person. So, keep it up! Doing good for others is good for them, good for your mood, and good for your health.

Has a stranger ever given you a random act of kindness? Have you given one to someone else?

5 Things to Know on the Hunt for Happiness

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happinessRolf Dobelli chatted with The Huffington Post about happiness. He says that since we can’t pin down exactly what quantifiable thing it is that makes up happy, instead to achieve happiness, we need to clean our lives of things that are known to cause unhappiness or destroy happiness. Here are his top things you should know to stop undermining your happy.

  1. Understand that You Don’t Know What Will Make You Happy: In other words, the things we think will make us happy- for example a big purchase like a new car- often only provide a short-term thrill lasting up to 6 months. Instead, experiences, projects and new challenges tend to contribute more to long term happiness. Try trading more of those instead of the instant gratification of a purchase to boost your mood.
  2. Cut it Out with YOLO Already: While yolo is a great excuse to throw caution to the wind in the moment, being happy in life takes planning and hard work that will pay dividends down the road. Don’t totally abandon spontaneity and fun, but reserve it for a special couple days a week, and use the rest of the time to keep your nose to the grindstone forging on toward your long term goals.
  3. Make Your Own Path: Don’t copy those around you, instead make your own decisions. Follow your instincts, and try not to let what everyone else is doing effect what you want to do, and choose to do with your own life.
  4. Stop Watching the News: FINALLY someone else is with me on this. 90% of breaking news is either a downer, or not relevant to your life. Instead of constantly trolling your twitter feed and RSS reader for the LATEST trend, instead spend time reading longer articles on your particular interests, and learning new things about it.
  5. Get Out of “The Moment”: While it’s great to be focused on your experiences as they happen, keep it in the back of your mind that things are happening (in the world, in other people’s lives) that you just can’t perceive. Don’t be too hung up on every minute detail of the moment for a happier life.

In other news, Australia is the happiest country among the developed nations. With all the beach, time spent outdoors, and beautiful country, I can’t say I’m surprised. You?

5 Posts to Read If You’re Feeling Blue

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http://www.advantageccs.org/blog/holiday-spending-has-got-you-down-in-the-dumps/#.UYKlOKLMBSU

Sometimes I get a little down in the dumps. Who doesn’t from time to time, am I right? Here are 5 brilliant links that are sure to brighten your day:

  1. So you’re a little down – when to wallow and how to do it.
  2. Feeling bad because you’re totally roadblocked in moving towards what you want? Stop psyching yourself out, and do it.
  3. Just a reminder! You’re already awesome because you’ve traveled places, and here’s why.
  4. If you’re still not feeling awesome, here’s 17 things you can do RIGHT NOW that will make sure you’re feeling proud of yourself a year from now
  5. Or if 17 steps seem insurmountably hard, try 4 easy things to get outta that rut

Because sometimes it’s nice to get a gentle nudge from the internet that maybe things aren’t so bad after all, or at least how to pick up and keep on trucking if it feels like they really really are.

Make a Choice, Then Be Satisfied with It

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lost

Some choices are easy, and not wrought with self-doubt, pro’s and con’s lists, and endless waffling back and forth. I’m thinking of the decisions in life like, “Do I marry Ryan Gosling or Leonardo DiCaprio?” (a win-win obviously), or “Do I avoid the middle airplane seat?” (you know that’s a guaranteed lose).  Some situations are easy because both options are wonderful, or there is a clear cut definition where one is much much worse. It’s those decisions where both are OK, or there are too many variations on the outcome that leave most of us spinning. Think about how difficult it can be to pick out an outfit when you are confronted with a hundred tops, lots of bottoms, and nearly infinite combinations of the two. But new research published in the Journal of Consumer Research (and blogged about by Women’s Health The Scoop) found that even when making the decision may be hard, there are simple tricks people can use to feel satisfied with the choice they have made.

The short answer is to give the decision a physical act of closure. If you’re between two items on the menu, shut if after you have picked. If you selected a dress from your clset, close the door. If you’ve decided you don’t need to eat any more chips, zip up the bag and put it in the cabinet. After struggling with an email, and sending it-close your laptop. Scientists think that this triggers your mind to believe that the item is final, checked off of your to-do list, and now it’s time to move on. Then it shifts its focus to the item you picked, rather than all of the other options you’ve recently given up by making that choice. (Which sounds a lot like how your mind creates synthetic happiness to me!)

How do you stick with your decisions, after they’re made?

10 Minute Tip to Improve Your Life

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pillowsWhile changing my pillow cases to drop off my laundry the other day, I was horrified to realize that it had been a very long time since I purchased some new filler pillows. I tend to have a lot of pillows (to the tune of 8) on my bed. Three I actually sleep on, while the rest are props for better pillow positioning. For the props, or the filler pillows, I buy cheap ones. I repaired straight to TJ Maxx, and picked up a couple packs of 2 for $12 Laura Ashley pillows, and while this tip may take you a little more than 10 minutes if you’re indecisive once you hit the pillow aisle, friends – it’s amazing how happy a set of fresh pillows can make a gal.

But for my down pillows, those are more of an investment piece. I mean, how inviting does that bed above look?? And when you think about how much time you actually spend in bed, its really worth dropping some cash for comfort. My choice is Charter Club Vail 100% Down Pillows. I could not recommend the medium firmness queen highly enough.  While they go for just over $150 a pop, they often go on sale a Macy’s, and with a couple coupons you can bring them down to a much more reasonable price.

Luxurious? Yes. Worth it? 1000X over. It is like laying your head on a fluffy cloud.

Why are we happy? Why aren’t we happy?

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Happiness – it’s what everyone seems to constantly be looking for in life- whether its found in the perfect job, perfect husband, or perfect home. Yet, in this TED talk, Dan Gilbert investigates the possibility – no, certainty- that the human brain is actually wired to create our own happiness, even though most people aren’t aware of it. He proposes that this synthetic happiness is just as authentic as that we stumble upon when we get exactly the things we want, and that people can stop searching for it, and just make their own happy. Have a listen!