The New 5th Type of Boredom

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bordeomWhen I was younger, the most common refrain to come out of my mouth was, “I’m bored.” Needless to say, it drove my parents absolutely nuts, and the most common thing they told me to do was learn how to keep myself amused. Usually  I just wanted annoy someone enough with my complaints that they would cave and come play the chosen activity with me, but I have always liked to be entertained, and often do multiple things at once to keep things interesting enough. If I am watching tv, I like to play a game or crochet a scarf at the same time. If I’m running on the treadmill, I listen to music, watch tv, and flip through a magazine. The constant, ever-changing options for entertainment are a big part of the reason I like living in NYC. Well, as it turns out, I wasn’t just a difficult child. I was just exhibiting the signs of active boredom pursuing people to join me in the new activity I had found that was more interesting that my previous.

Boredom is actually a nuanced emotion, and there are now five different types that have been identified. Boredom can occur while fidgety or while calm. It can have positive or negative associations. The categories and their associated characteristics are:

  • Indifferent Boredom:  People with this type of boredom feel relaxed, withdrawn
  • Calibrating Boredom: People feel uncertain, and are receptive to  change/distraction
  • Searching Boredom: People with this type of boredom feel restless, active, pursuit of change/distraction
  • Reactant Boredom: People are highly motivated to leave a situation for specific alternatives

The fifth type that is recently diagnosed is called Apathetic Boredom, and is a more unpleasant form of the emotion that is most similar to learned helplessness and depression. And, as it turns out – people don’t typically experience all of the types of boredom throughout their lives. The recent research found that each type may be linked to a personality disposition making a person more likely to experience the same type of boredom over and over again. So, the next time your friend insists that you leave the happy hour you’re at for another with trivia, instead of getting annoyed just feel self-satisfied that you know they’re experiencing a particular type of boredom and go along with it. Sometimes when people get bored, they come up with the best ideas for new activities.

Happy Friday

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friday
I’m an ESFJ. Which I guess means I am destined to make kind of ok $$? Check out your projected income by Meyer’s Briggs personality type.
While people tend to associate beer with football and frat bro’s, it’s was actually a beverage historically brewed by women. Check out how the craft brew industry is making this beverage come full circle and back into the hands of ladies.
There are actually dating books out there called Why Men Love Bitches (?!?!). But apparently, the creator of Bridget Jones thinks it’s true that women who have meaner online dating profiles get more love.
I have always loved comics and action hero movies. So, I am thrilled to see that Marvel is striving to make it’s superheroes more relateable to a more diverse crowd with a Muslim teen character. And here’s a history of black super heroes while we’re at it.
You know you get a little ego boost every time you get the notification that someone liked your photo. Here’s how to tweak your posts so you get even more little hearts.
Looking for happiness? Here’s how to be truly happy – part 1 and part 2.

Like Birchbox for Crafters

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makers

I have always loved arts and crafts. As a child, I spent afternoons at my Grandma’s house making little boxes from old greeting cards, and evenings at girl scouts making handmade Christmas decorations. I devoted myself to creating complex sequin patterned sweatshirts for everyone who would wear one. I still regret the day I decided to get rid of my bedazzler. I just like making stuff, especially when it’s pretty sparkly stuff. So, imagine my delight when craft-based organizations for adults started springing up here and there. There is the new Bars and Crafts workshops put on by Aye Kay Art that have little projects you can make while having a beer with your girlfriends. I made my own custom iPhone case last week, and it was a blast. And now, there is a home delivery crafts service for the busy DIY’ers out there like me, who just don’t have the time to sit and peruse craft books to find the projects they want – let alone go buy the materials.

It’s called For the Makers, and it’s like Birchbox for crafters. You can subscribe for $29 a month, and then receive the materials, tutorials, and techniques to make 4 chic DIY projects selected by the collection that interests you. Or you can join with a free account and buy just the projects that interest you. The collections cover a range of styles from those who love the Shiny & Bright to the ocean inspired Seafarer Collection. And it’s not just chintzy stuff. They’ve worked with some of your favorite brands including Kate Spade, Anthropologie and Marc Jacobs to figure out how to find the best materials to make the prettiest things. I love the concepts, and the projects, and it’s just like girl scouts where they do all the legwork for you, and all you have to do is sit down and enjoy the craft. Now will someone gift me a subscription for Christmas please?

Write, It’s Good for Your Health

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write

It’s National Novel Writing Month (or NaNoWriMo as participants call it), and hundreds of thousands of people are taking their first or twentieth stab at creating a novel. But as those of us who write, either for a living or for fun, know – sometimes it’s hard to get yourself to sit down and put a pen to paper. It’s even difficult to open up that laptop and start typing after spending a day working on a computer. If you just have writer’s block, Chris Baty’s book No Plot? No Problem! has tons of tips on how to slog through. At a loss for a detailed plot map? Even Margaret Atwood will tell you that sometimes you just need to make it up as you go along. If you need even more motivation, it turns out that writing can be good for your health in a few key ways.

If you write the old fashion way, with a pencil and a notebook, you can actually improve your memory and learning skills. The act of writing can help you retain information more effectively. If your book is loosely based around a difficult event you went through, writing about it might speed your emotional and physical healing. People who journaled about their wounds actually physically healed faster than those who didn’t. This benefit extends to people battling cancer. Writing has been shown to help reposition the attitude that patients need to fight the disease. With Thanksgiving around the corner, this next benefit is even more timely. Writing down things you are grateful for can help people feel happier or more optimistic about life. If you’re stuck as to where your characters should go, try marking down one or two “thankful fors” and it might just get the creative juices flowing. Then finally, writing can help you sleep better and longer which can make you more resistant to all those bugs flying around, and it can lower stress levels and blood pressure. As cold and flu season ramps up, even if you can’t do convince yourself to write for creative purposes, do it for your health!

How Americans Really Feel About Female Leadership

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women leaders

With all of the focus on women in the workplace that the Lean In movement generated, a natural area for investigation is the lady boss. With all the encouragement for women to strive for the corner office, there is bound to be exploration into what it’s like to work for, and have a woman in charge. Luckily, there is Gallup poll data evaluating how people in 2013 feel about working for a woman instead of a man when compared to how they felt in 1953. As you’d imagine, there have been some noticeable changes.

The Atlantic analyzed the data, and found a few interesting trends. First, more than half of all people (in all of the demographic groupings) preferred a lady boss, as opposed to earlier times when 2/3 of people preferred working under men. Surprisingly, one of the two groups with the lowest percentage of people wanting female leadership was women. The other group, somewhat unsurprisingly, was Republicans. Finally, there are two groups who want a woman in charge more than the others: Democrats, and people who have previously had a female boss. That, to me, says once you try it, you’ll probably like it– all the more ammunition to give women more access to leadership positions.

Eat and Drink These Things to Stay Productive

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coffee

It’s Monday, and it’s Veteran’s Day. Those of us who are stuck in the office instead of enjoying a day off to celebrate our nation’s heroes, may be experiencing a little drain on motivation from friends who are not at work today. You may be searching for some extra incentive to make it through the day. Luckily, The Huffington Post has a list of the food and drinks that can make you more productive while you’re at work. They can help keep your mind sharp, and give you a natural boost without needing a 5-hour energy. So, when you’re feeling sleepy or a little stalled, reach for one of these power foods and beverages:

  • Dark Chocolate: The flavanols found in cocoa will increase bloodflow to the brain, keeping you feeling energetic
  • Citrus Fruit: Even just the scent of citrus can give you a boost, but consuming the Vitamin C will give added alertness
  • Water: Dehydration zaps your focus and short-term memory. Keep your brain running like a well-oiled machine with lots of H2O.
  • Coffee or Tea: Most of us know this already, but having a cup of caffeine can improve your cognitive focus and concentration.

They just might make the difference between hitting a wall, and keeping on trucking. Now, go mark some things off your afternoon to-do list.

Counting a Night Out Dancing as a Workout

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dancing

After a night out on the town dancing til dawn, you might wake up the next morning with sore legs from getting low on the dance floor. But how many of those aches are chalked up to the heels you were wearing, and how many are actually from exercising your muscles? My friends and I have often had the debate, if Zumba is a legitimate workout, is a night out grooving with friends giving the same benefits as logging 45 minutes on the elliptical?

Sadly, the answer is probably not. Women’s Health magazine experts say that if you are only moderately dancing for 30 minutes, it’s not enough activity. If you are dancing hard enough to break a sweat for more than two hours, then maybe you’re on your way. The only thing to keep in mind is the number of alcoholic beverages involved in helping you cut loose on the dance floor. If you’re drinking while dancing, you’re probably just breaking even. But at least that’s a whole lot better for you (and a heck of a lot more fun) than drinking and standing still. Just don’t skip your trip to the gym the next day because of it.

Self-Talk to Put a Little More Pep in Your Step

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cyclingNext time you’re slogging away for those last 10 minutes on the elliptical, or feeling like slowing to a walk for the final half mile, try telling yourself that you’re not tired. According to a new study published in Medicine & Sport Science, it just might make it true! The study tried to get to the root of what causes physical fatigue. Is it when your muscles run out of energy via food or fluid, or is it a mental state? Previous research shows that physiologically, the body is often able to continue exercise even though the animal (or human in your case!) stops, feeling exhausted. But for some reason, your brain gives you cues that make you want to stop. Maybe it’s saving some reserves in the tank in case of emergency, but if it’s the brain, not the body making you stop, then the scientists wondered if changing the signals from the brain could impact exercise.

They monitored study participants while they cycled, and measured heart rate, pedal power, and pace. Additionally, they captured data on how difficult the exercise had seemed throughout. On a second visit, the bikers were split into 2 groups. One was to continue business as usual. The second learned self-talk that would help encourage themselves while exercising, saying things like, “You’re doing well,” or “Feeling good.” Then when the two groups were tested with the same exercise sessions, the group with the self-talk managed to pedal farther and longer while feeling less exhausted. Interestingly, though the group felt better, their bodies exhibited the same exact conditions of exertion from the first ride. I tried it out on my morning run on Tuesday. When I felt like quitting before I hit the 5k mark, I told myself, “If the marathoner’s can run 26 miles, you can easily run 3,” and “I’m not tired.” The weird things is, it worked, and I actually decreased my mile time from the previous day. So, next time you’re feeling like giving up, give yourself a little pep talk and see what happens. It just might make you suffer through your workout a little less.

Cute Animals to Make Mornings Less Painful

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cute animals

If you’re definitely not a morning person, and love cute animals, then this Mashable post is for you. It pairs adorable little dogs and cats with sarcastic quotes about dragging yourself out of bed when the alarm goes off from some of your favorite famous people including Jim Morrison and Hunter  S.Thompson. While you struggle out from under the covers, to that first cup of coffee, check out the page. The pure adorableness of it all will make the daylight slightly less painful. While you’re at it, check out the cute animals category for more adorable stories to brighten your day.

How to Deal when Someone you Care About is a Jerk

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jerk

Even the most perfect person is bound to do something that will make you sad at some point in your long and varied friendship, courtship, or family relationship.

Maybe they didn’t respond to your text. Or you thought they had changed an upsetting behavior, and there they are – falling right back into the same bad patterns. Quite possibly they did something terribly mean like skip your birthday party. Or you heard from an acquaintance that they said something snarky behind your back.

All of these things, taken in the wrong light, received at the wrong moment, could be friendship ending, relationship ruining, family-feud starting problems.

But they don’t have to be. When I put the effort into fostering relationships, it’s usually for keeps. I have more than a handful of people that I’ve been friends with for over 20 years. I just celebrated my 10 year anniversary of friendship with my closest college pals. I send Christmas cards to a frighteningly high number of relatives, and I am still friendly with quite a few exes. Most of these people have really hurt my feelings, or made me a little peeved at certain points.

The reason we’re still tight? It’s not that I don’t get upset, or hurt by stupid little things – I do. It’s learning how to deal in the moments when you’re feeling upset, then moving forward. Here are some tips that help me figure out what to do:

  • Relationships are Long: I remember a time when I tried to give a friend money for a round of drinks. They declined, saying, “Our friendship is long, I am sure it will all even out.” While it’s easy to get annoyed in that second if one person is always shorting you on the check, it’s much more relaxing to just remind yourself that in the scheme of a long relationship, things are bound to come full circle. Stop keeping score in the moment.
  • Put Yourself in their Shoes: While this is the most clichéd piece of advice you can read, here’s why it’s important. When you’re obsessing that they didn’t  respond to your facebook invite because they hate you, think about two things – the history of your relationship, and what they have going on in their life right now. Is it a crazy week at work for your friend? Do you know they have a phone that’s on the fritz? While it’s easy to take one occurrence as a world-ending personal insult, there could be a circumstance totally unrelated to you that’s making them act that way. Most people-even our most valued friends- care more about their own lives than they do about yours. Remembering that they have their own stuff can make the difference between being upset, and just getting it. Then think about how they’ve treated you in the past. Have they gone out of their way to love and support you and be a good friend? It just so happens that little thing about RSVPs are their one weak spot? Then maybe you can let this one thing slide. If this is the final notch in a one-sided relationship, that’s another story.
  • All Relationships are Not Equal: There are different levels of relationships. Some are the drop you off at the airport, hold your hand at a funeral type that wouldn’t ever intentionally do anything to hurt you. Others are the people you meet for happy hour occasionally, and wouldn’t tell that your goldfish died. Adjust your expectations on how much you value the way they treat you accordingly, and keep them in your life. Who cares if some of your friends are flaky, if the people that count are always there? Take all the happiness you can out of spending time with them, and leave all the temptation to want more from them than you should at the door.
  • Give Them the Silent Treatment: I don’t mean this in the middle school way, but the easiest way to stop being upset about something is to focus your time and energy actively on something else. It works on toddlers all the time – take the toy they want out of the room, and they easily forget. Follow their lead. Sitting and thinking about how upset you are won’t make you feel anything but more upset. Hanging out with a different group of friends, or finally taking that new class at the gym will only give you the space and time you need to come up with a solution. And it might make them realize they did something crappy before you even have a chance to tell them you’re upset.
  • Is it You or Them? Take stock of your mood. Are you feeling extra sensitive, and taking it the wrong way? Is it you, not them?
  • Just Let it Go: Some things are worth arguing about, and others aren’t. Even if you tell people how you feel, sometimes they won’t react the way you wish they would. If you make it a point to be clear about how you’re feeling, and make an effort to come from a place of love with the people you care about, it’s hard to be upset with the outcome. Even if things don’t go down the way you had hoped, you can rest easy knowing that you did all you could, and won’t feel even worse for harboring hard feelings. When in doubt, just assume they didn’t mean it that way. It will save you so much heartache just assuming they had good intentions even if they really didn’t.
  • Complete Yourself: When you’re looking for validation from other people or other things to feel 100% a person, you’ll always fall short. Fill up your life with things you value, and learn how to be happy even when you’re all alone. While your relationships should enrich your life by making it fuller, tastier, funnier – they shouldn’t define it. You make yourself who you are, and deciding that on your own without looking for cues from others on how you should feel will lead to a whole lot more happiness, and a lot less squabbles about why they didn’t want to hang out with you last Saturday night. Cashmere sweaters, friends, and soul mates don’t make you complete – you do.

And top all that off by being a good friend, relationship partner, sister/mother/uncle/cousin yourself. When you’re in doubt about whether you should call/send a card/show up, always make the effort. You never know how the person is feeling who’s receiving your gesture – maybe it will be the tipping point between a horrible day and an awesome day. Why not buy the thoughtful gift, over-tip, or go the extra mile? Even if it doesn’t work out in the long term, you will know you gave it your best shot.