Moving is the worst. Actually, it’s not so much the actual moving that’s a pain in the neck (if you hire movers like I do), but all the packing leading up to it that makes things difficult. It always seems like there isn’t that much to do, until you start emptying out closets and realizing how much you had squirelled away in hidden corners that you forgot all about long ago. I’ll be moving at the end of the month, and have been dealing with sorting through four years of clutter I accumulated in my current apartment.

In college, we all got used to packing up and moving several times a year. Into the dorms, out of the dorms and back to our parent’s houses again, then repeat-in the frantic frequent moves, it was easy to just bring everything you brought the last time. Then when I moved after college, I simply hadn’t accumulated enough stuff to get rid of anything. The name of the game was getting more furniture, not emptying out. Now I am upgrading to a better location and a smaller space and am using it as an opportunity to ditch any belongings that I don’t really love, or never really use.

And the best way to get rid of stuff it to have others come and take it away for you. If you have an item that you don’t plan to take with you, don’t pay the movers just to take it to the curb, post it on Craig’s List as free, and get someone to come take it away. No matter how bad shape it’s in, there’s always someone who will want it if they don’t have to pay for it.

Instead of wasting time packing all your soft things (think all your clothes, extra sheets and towels) buy contractor grade garbage bags. I like the 3 ML ones. You can stuff them full, and they’re so thick they almost never rip. It also makes it easier to pack up your bedding really quickly that morning before the movers come.

Once you’ve arrived in your new location, I’ve found inviting over a couple of friends and fixing some cocktails makes the whole unpacking process a lot less painful. They can give you opinions on which furniture arrangement looks best, if that painting is really level, and keep you from dying of boredom when you re-hang every item of clothing in your closet. Just make sure you clearly label the box with your corkscrew and your cups.

For the amount of time that I drive, living in NYC, the number of times I am caught making some sort of traffic infraction is inordinately high. Despite the fact that I am a good, safe driver (confirmed by many family member and friends), it seems like every time I get behind the wheel the law says I’m doing something wrong. This can get particularly pricey in Manhattan where you can easily rack up multiple tickets in one day (standing in a bus stop zone is illegal?!) and at $75-$150 a pop, you’ll get some hefty fines.

Before I moved to the city of pedestrians, I grew up in a town where you needed to have a car to get around, and got my license two months after my 16^th birthday. I’ve been pulled over too many times to keep track of, and yet have no moving violations OR points on my license. How, you might ask?

To tell you the truth, I’m not really sure. When I get pulled over, I’m struck by a range of emotions, firstly really pissed off, close second is panic, and NOT AGAIN. Put that all together, and I’m not in the most pleasant mood for haggling my way out of a ticket. I’ve never actually been let go scot-free, but with a series of well-placed fibs, I have managed to get big speeding violations dropped down to minor offenses like my inspection being expired or a tail light being out. I’m not saying that it helps to have something wrong with your vehicle, but in my experience, it gives the Police Officer an out to still give you a ticket, but let you off a little easy.

Tactic # 1: Exploit that cop’s sexist tendencies.

Most people don’t seem to think that women can drive fast, and well. Sports cars with manual transmissions and any engine over 4 cylinders are traditionally considered boys toys. Although Danica Patrick is working on changing that, the fact is that if a man pulls a lady over, he probably thinks he can handle the machinery better than she can. Pretending that the reason you’re going to fast is simply because you have no idea how to handle such a big engine and the powerful machine ran away with an innocent little woman inside might get you out of a speeding ticket. OR the cop’s entertainment at your blatant lies might put him in just the right mood to have a laugh at your expense rather than writing you up. Batting your eyelashes and smiling doesn’t hurt either even when you’d much rather tell them where they can really stick that ticket book.

Tactic #2: Play it vulnerable and scared

This is particularly effective for people who cry when they get pulled over, or for people like me, who sometimes cry when they’re really really mad that they got caught. There’s a good way to use that indignation bordering on hysteria. The scenario is, you’re speeding and have passed an 18-wheeler somewhere in the past 20 minutes or so. Your story is that a sicko truck driver was harassing you and making lewd gestures (here some hand motions and faces really help drive the story home). You, again, being a vulnerable little lady sped off to avoid being followed or endure further innuendo because you were scared. This can work regardless of the gender of your officer.

Tactic #3: Minimize your prior offenses in court

The judge is probably going to slap you with a heavy fine even if your ticket is reduced to parking on the pavement just to teach you a lesson. However, when they ask you about your prior offenses, you can choose to interpret that as moving violations rather than total times having run-ins with the law, and say zilch, insist that you know speeding is a terrible offense endangering the lives of others, and plead for mercy.

Moral of the story: your fate is in their hands. Just acknowledge it, and play the helpless mercy seeker. Let the cop take the position of power, and feel like they are doing you a service by minimizing your ticket, or not giving you one at all. If they’re left feeling like they’ve done a good deed at the end of the experience, you’re usually the winner with no ticket or a lower violation. They key is to make them want to help you out of the bind that caused your infraction, not to make them want to punish you with a fine.

Groupon and Living Social are prime candidates for impulse purchases. They appear in your inbox with something you wanted already, and then HOORAY! It’s 70% off. The lure of a deep discount paired with the convenience has led to a lot of bad decisions. If you have your payment information stored in the app, you’re just one tap and a catchy subject line away from a purchase you may never use. Many of the daily deal websites have fine print that is easy to overlook. Maybe you simply purchased and then realized you couldn’t use it up before the expiration. You could sell it off on Lifesta. Or you can use the handy service at Presentify.me to turn your ugly looking voucher number into a snazzy certificate for a loved one. Now you’ll never have to let a coupon go to waste again.

So you get stuck planning everything when you were supposed to be a guest. It’s happened to the best of us. You offer to help a friend with a party she’s hosting, and then all of the sudden you’re making the main dishes, decorating, buying the booze, and not getting any credit for it. Your mister claims that this time he’s going to plan a special date for you, but when Saturday evening rolls around he still has no idea what restaurant you’re going to and what you might do after. Or maybe your friends are getting together and once again it’s your turn to pick the place. You could sulk about it and spend the whole night (that was supposed to be fun) irritated about all the work you put into the event.

Or you could look at it this way.

Now you get to make everyone do exactly what you feel like doing. No going places you don’t want to go! Wearing theme clothes you think are stupid! Eating food you don’t like! Everything is just how you like it. And once you stop being so annoyed, you can look around and enjoy how much fun everyone else is having. Sometimes the things that make us the happiest, can make us the unhappiest while we’re getting them ready. Party planning is a key example of this very concept. While it can be tedious to arrange all the details, seeing a fun evening go off without a hitch and reveling in the shared happiness with your companions can make it all worthwhile.

And if you think those party hats are too cute, check out the DIY here and make some for the next time you’re strong armed into throwing together the festivities.

Fact. People are staying longer in jobs they don’t like, or don’t want than they would in previous decades. Blame it on the crappy economy all you want, but that doesn’t change the truth that there are more people in the workforce who aren’t necessarily in a position they want to be in. Does that mean the entire workforce should be going around grumbling and moping about their poor life outcomes? Nope!

Shawn Achor discusses this very subject his TED Talk, “The Happy Secret to Better Work,” see previous post. He says happiness is not dependent on achieving life goals. As you’ll have noticed in your own life, it’s human nature that once you’ve achieved one goal, to simply set another milestone. If you get a good job, then you want a promotion so it’s a better job–meaning you’ll never be happy on your little hamster wheel if your happiness is totally measured by external goal posts. If happiness =success (in career or otherwise) you’ll never get there because your brain is constantly pushing what success means “over the cognitive horizon” with the next marker to meet.

So, happiness cannot be predicted (entirely, or even mostly) by external circumstances. Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, posits that happiness is 50% determined by genetics. Life circumstances (age, gender, marital status, income, occupation, etc.) make up about 10-20%. The remaining30-40% is how a person thinks and acts. For her, everyone has a tendency to be pretty happy or less happy, but they can actively try to push themselves to the top or bottom of their genetic spectrum.

According to Shawn, 10% of happiness is determined by the world around us, 90% by how our brain processes the world. Luckily for us, he and Gretchen agree that you can train your own brain to process the world in a happier way by changing the lens through which it views the world to change your educational, and business outcomes. Gretchen chronicles how to make your life generally happier here.

Shawn looks specifically at how to improve your work outcomes by being happier, flipping the formula that if you do better at work, it follows that you will be happy. Instead, be happy, and work success will follow. He affirms the belief that happy employees are more productive employees, and shows through studies that if you raise your level of positivity, the brain releases dopamine which turns on the learning centers of the brain improving every single business outcome. Happy employees are 30% more productive and 37% better at sales.

Here’s his prescription to turning your work happiness around in just 2 minutes a day for 21 days.

• Write down 3 new things you are grateful for every day for 21 days
• Journal 1 positive experience you had in the last 24 hours to help your brain relive the experience
• Meditate to let your brain get over the learned ADHD of multi-tasking
• Send one positive email praising or thanking someone in your social support network to practice conscious acts of kindness

At the end of this period, your brain is rewired to work more successfully and optimistically, no longer scanning for the negative, but looking for the positive, and in turn activating your capabilities to use your full learning and performance potential, and allowing people to be more effective and happier employees.

I have a terrible passport picture.  The day I had my pictures taken, I had braces, a tan from a tanning booth, and bright pink lip gloss. My hair may have been a little overly highlighted. I decided it would be a good idea to wear a bright pink turtle neck sweater for the occasion, not thinking this picture would be with me for, oh, about the next 10 years of my life. Then, when I arrived at CVS, the guy taking my picture informed me that I could not smile in the picture. He claimed (though a tiny part of me still thinks this was just a mean joke by him) that you are not allowed to smile in official passport pictures. Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t do serious face well. My natural inclination is to smile for a photo. I like to call the whole end result serial killer Barbie.

Here’s why it’s not really all that big a deal:

• You reach a certain point in life where it’s fun to compare id’s and make fun of each other’s pictures
• Most people don’t think pictures of you are half as bad as you do
• Who do you really have to show it to anyhow? Bouncers? Grumpy customs officials? It’s not like it has to be your profile picture for your online dating website.

I find the best way to deal is to turn the whole situation into a funny story (see above). Now, whenever I see my passport picture, I don’t think OMIGOD I LOOK LIKE I’m GOING TO MURDER SOMONE, I chuckle about the series of bad decisions that brought me there in the first place.

For my next passport picture? I plan to pick out an outfit in my color wheel, and for the DMV, I’ve found being friendly to the person in control of your destiny is going to guarantee you a much more flattering photo than being a meanie. See a lesson in life (and getting the coffee you want) for details

We’ve all been there. Sometimes you are just going about your day, minding your own business and BAM someone comes out of nowhere and decides to unleash a world of anger on you. That stranger sitting next to you on the subway starts yelling about you for smooshing them. The lady in front of you in the express lane flips out on you for having a 6 pack, and 5 other items in the 10 items or less line because well, she’s counting your sodas as individual items. The clerk at Duane Reade gives you serious A-TUDE when you add a candy bar to your order at the last second. Or that person who’s heel you accidentally stepped on does not want an apology. No, they would rather scream in your face. Usually it’s completely uncalled for, and often just totally ludicrous that someone would be getting so upset about such a small thing. Most times, you get this verbal lashing through no fault of your own.

Then we’ve all been on the other side of things. You burnt your hair in the curling iron, you accidentally overdraw your account, you are late to work, and then to top it all off you drop your perfectly good ice cream cone in the gutter when someone brushes by you a little too closely. You are having a BAD day. Then you go to the Verizon store to try to get your phone fixed and end up crying or yelling when the guy behind the counter can’t help you. You’re just taking your emotions out on an innocent bystander.

At least, that’s how I prefer to think of things. I would rather decide that when that person decides to lose their shit on me for no apparent reason, that maybe they are having a terrible day and need to vent a little. No, it’s not the most appropriate way to cope. But does it happen? Yes. Sometimes we get overloaded and just. can’t. deal.

Would I rather not be yelled at by strangers? Sure. Sometimes do I get mad right back? Sure. Yet, when it comes right down to it, I’d rather try to be a little nice even to the meanies. I’d rather think maybe their dog got run over this morning and they needed to get a little anger off their chest. Although I didn’t appreciate it, maybe they feel a little bit better afterwards. Maybe, just maybe by letting someone lose it, I’ve just helped to make their day a little brighter. I’d rather think that, because the alternative? Well, that’s just: people are plain old mean.

Originally posted here: http://jungleejuice.blogspot.com/2010/11/random-acts-of-meaness.htm

I’d like to tell you a little story. Its about my sister, some plane delays, and how she made it home on schedule.

First, I’ll set the stage. My sister is returning to our hometown for a weekend with family in June from a conference on close relationships. She hasn’t seen anyone in a long time, and doesn’t have too many days, so getting there on time is something of the essence.

Along the way, something happened with the connecting flights so there were hundreds of people displaced off a missed flight, and there weren’t any flights going out to that location for the forseeable future. You can picture it. Lots of angry people swarming the customer service desk to try to bully their way into getting on the next one. As a customer service rep, this probably isn’t your best day at work.

My sister finally gets her turn with an agent. When she tries to talk options, all she can manage is bursting into tears and crying, “I just want to get home in time to spend father’s day with my dad!” She’s a 28 year old woman. Let’s be serious, a display of this sort is just rather touching.

The rep says quietly, step to the side, and we’ll get this taken care of, and then discreetly books my sister onto a flight, while turning down all of the other passengers in line. This flight she’s on? Happens to be a party plane returning from Las Vegas with a load of promotional people that was just stopping over to refuel. It’s not technically supposed to be taking on any passengers. And yet, my sister is let on. Once boarded, she’s showered with gifts, and told that it’s open bar. Have a great time! Is this likely to happen the next time your flight is delayed? Not so much.

The moral of the story? Better things happen to you when you come from a place of love than from a place of anger. No one wants to help that irate person. If this is you, take a lap around the airport, treat yourself to some ice cream, a new magazine, and settle in for what is probably going to be a long and frustrating wait. Yelling at the people who control ticketing isn’t going to get you anywhere fast.

Ok we’ve all been there right, RIGHT? Just nod. You’re picking up your apartment, and you move a pair of sweatpants on the floor, out shoots (the HORROR) the most scary thing in the universe: the cockroach. There’s not a lot that can make this situation better. Feel free to scream, cry hysterically and call someone to talk you through chasing that sucker down and killing it.

Then its time to deal with it. Call your exterminator, and book him to come over, like YESTERDAY. Usually this can be facilitated by your landlord, who doesn’t want those vermin in his/her apartment building either. Go immediately to Bed Bath and Beyond, and purchase an eye mask. You’ll use this to help you sleep while the lights are on (the roaches mostly come out in the dark) for the next couple weeks while you recover. Then pop over to home depot, and purchase a can of roach killer and some boric acid. Make a border around your entire apartment with the boric acid, anywhere those puppies can enter (you’ll need a good vaccuum cleaner to pick this up later). Roaches (much like witches) can’t cross this sacred boundary. Be warned that roaches can fly, and this makes them 10,000 times scarier.

After this happens once or twice in your live, you’ll gradually be able to cope a little bit better each time.

The positive take away? 30 years from now, when your grandkids run off to live in NYC, you can commiserate with them about that one time you lived in a building with roaches to make them feel a little less terrified and alone (and to remind them that their grand momma is a cool lady who lived there as well). Naturally, you’ll edit out the part where you cried and didn’t sleep with the lights out for months. Naturally.

Yes, its a drag. But let’s be serious, I have expensive tastes, and there’s a good chance that no matter how successful I am, I might not ever be able to buy all of the fancy things I want. Furs? Jewels? Probably not. But sometimes you need to feel a little extravagant on a tiny budget.

You’ve got options.

Buy the darn thing already, keep the tag on and well tucked in (you don’t want to have a romantic comedy moment when someone “helping” you rips the tag off), take really good care of it and return the next day. Not saying I’ve done this. Not saying I haven’t.

Rummage around in your closet- chances are there are two things in there, things you don’t want anymore and things you forgot you had. Take the things you don’t want, and set up a swap with some friends to get rid of things they don’t want. New to you is almost as much fun as new to the world. Then take those things you forgot about and see what you can do with them.

Add a belt? Pair it with a different color? Reinvent what you’ve already got.