A Hate Letter to NYC

NYC

I have lived in NYC for almost 12 years now. In some estimations, that makes me a real, bonafide New Yorker – a title I have fought hard to earn. One thing everyone who lives here knows is that living here ain’t easy. And another that we can all agree on, is that one of the best things about being a member of this inner circle is that it has earned you the right to complain – about things that only other true New Yorker’s would understand.

For the most part, I love my city, and there’s no place else I’d rather be. But on some days, I hate it with a fiery passion. And in those moments, here are the things that drive me nuts the most.

  • The average traffic light is 3 minutes long. WHY is your fool self running out into the path of oncoming cars? No one needs to be to work on time that badly, and it’s just going to ruin my morning when I have to SEE you get hit by that bus you’re barely dodging.
  • When something goes wrong and you all want to group complain. Yes, the subway is taking forever and we’re wedged on this platform with sweat dripping down our butt cracks. Talking about it only makes it worse. Put in some headphones and put on a podcast. Try to find your zen. I know I do.
  • Subway performers in the morning. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU PLAY ELECTRIC GUITAR BEFORE 9AM? There is no one that wants to hear that that early. I certainly don’t when I haven’t had my coffee yet. This is my time before work. Let me enjoy those last few minutes in peace.
  • Subway performers during evening rush. I enjoy subway performers (I swear). There are even a few (ok two) acts that I like so much that I always give them money and stop and watch. I have even listened to Too Many Zooz on spotify when I hadn’t seen them in a while. They’re so good! But why are you trying to break dance, or hobble through with your cane when I barely have room to wedge my body into the car. Nobody can even get their hands in their wallets to give you anything it’s so jam-packed. Stop trying to play that nonsense.
  • People who stop walking to swipe their metro cards. At this point, it’s probably becoming clear that I have a lot of subway-induced rage. Who doesn’t, amirite? It’s like those fools who come to a full stop in the EZ Pass lane. Don’t you see what you’re doing wrong?
  • When you’re waiting in a long line, and the person behind you asks dumb questions. Is that self service kiosk broken? NO, I just LIKE standing here wasting my time when I could be using it to ring up my dinner. Check yourself.
  • The fact that the MTA claims the subways run on a schedule. We all know that’s a joke.
  • Every time I go to an event thinking I had an original idea, and then they are hundreds of other people who are there.

What really pisses you off about this wonderful city?

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