I’ve been reading Adulting: How to Become a Grown-Up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps, the first book by Kelly Williams Brown of Adulting Blog fame. It has alternately made me laugh out loud, think pshaw Kelly! I already knew that!, and kick myself for not have completed this crucial step to adulthood sooner. Step 15 is, “When necessary, look yourself in the mirror and give yourself some Real Talk.” The expression Real Talk – popularized by the R Kelly song – is defined by Urban Dictionary as no joke, you actually mean what you’re saying, or talking honestly and sincerely. It’s a term which Williams Brown interprets to mean, giving yourself a straightforward self talk – like if you’re crying in the bathroom at work, looking in the mirror and telling yourself to get your act together and go on with the day, which she takes time to note is NOT the same as berating yourself. Negative thoughts, or internally putting yourself down is something I’m sure a lot of us are guilty of – thinking our hips are too big, our outfit isn’t fashionable enough, our job isn’t making us successful enough. But that way of thinking? It’s not going to get you anywhere.

This article on The Huffington Post give several helpful tips on how to upgrade your self-talk, or internal soundtrack from negative to neutral or positive, if you find negative thoughts taking over your day.

1. First thing’s first – deciding you want to stop thinking negatively, and think positively is step numero uno.
2. Next, start being aware whenever negative thoughts come into your mind. Note them, and move on.
3. Be nice to yourself, and don’t beat yourself up when you notice you’re having negative thoughts even though you don’t want to anymore.
4. Think of a response to your negative thoughts that you’ll use every time you notice them popping up. Feel free to be witty, and funny like you would at happy hour if your bestie was trashing the outfit she was wearing.

Try it out, then repeat until your self-talk and Real Talk take on a more positive note. How do you deal when you find yourself being negative?